15/8 Ian – Kiwi snow rant

I’ve been holding back on this post for a while, but it seems like our boarding is done for the trip now, as we’re heading out of the mountains tomorrow towards Fiordland in the deep south west. And also, well, frankly we’ve given up with the snow conditions, because they’re just a pile of pap.

It’s hilarious really. At least you’ve got to laugh, or you’d cry in frustration. I don’t think any Kiwi readers are going to like hearing this, but in our experience the generally available boarding, by which I mean the commercial snow fields that we’ve tried, have been consistently shite. Now there are some good things. A pie will cost you about £2 for lunch, instead of about £9 in France, but that doesn’t make up for the small, tracked-out resorts with tiny vertical from top to bottom and a maximum of three chairlifts, the £40ish per day lift costs, the wet, heavy snow/hard pack ice (take your pick, you can have an and/or option here, but little else), a fair chance that you’ll be boarding in rain and/or driving wind, and the snow chains required for the terrifying access tracks. We’ve tried Mount Hutt, Ohau, Treble Cone and Cardrona, and have kind of given up on The Remarkables and Coronet Peak.

Essentially, it’s like boarding in Scotland, when Scotland got snow. But that’s not the best bit - add a huge helping of Kiwi optimism and positivity (like wow, the conditions up there today were just awesome….) and now we’re really getting somewhere. Here’s an example. Reality: there are hundreds of people riding in a warm, tracked-out resort that hasn’t had any good quality fresh snow for at least two weeks, and it’s the weekend. Do we head up? Let’s check the Kiwi snow report before we make the decision: It’s another day of great conditions up here at the Peak. We’ve groomed all that powder into perfect, world class pistes for your riding pleasure. Off piste it will be crusty during the morning until the afternoon sun softens everything. We’re above the clouds in the valley. Come on up…!

I don’t know. Maybe I’m a snow snob after a run of great holidays in the French Alps. Maybe I’ve come to expect more than two minutes boarding from the top of a mountain to the snow line. Any resort in the world would be great with no crowds and cold, fresh powder I guess, and maybe we’re just passing through the mountains during a bad spell. I just want someone to be honest about it here though! It’s crappola at the moment! If you had the funds to heli-board, or the skills to operate the legendary nutcracker drag lifts on the empty club fields (dubbed ‘poor man’s heli-boarding’) then things might be different. But given that I’m very unlikely to ever experience either, our summer boarding here is done.